Marauders' Hogwarts School Play: Romeo and Juliet
by CanineStarSirius
Summary: Hogwarts's annual school play happens to be Romeo and Juliet. James and Lily got the leads for it. Hilarity ensues at the rehearsals and the performance. Minor JPLE. R&R plzthx. Edit 2-26-08: I revised it. It's better now.
1. Outcome of the Auditions

**Okay. So we have to put this copyright thing up. The Harry Potter characters belong to J.K.Rowling. Romeo and Juliet is created by Shakespeare. Artemis is my character. Claudia is me and MaraudersMagic93's character.  
**

**Dunno why we have to put this, though. This is Fanfiction. Obviously most of the stuff is already copyrighted. Oh whatever.**

**Rest assured. The OCs doesn't serve Mary-Sue purposes. I mean, what kind of Mary-Sue is a borderline asexual cross-dressing girl?**

** Edit 2-26-08: I've re-written some parts and corrected some of my grammar mistakes.

* * *

**

"Yo." Sirius said loudly as he walked into his dormitory, where the other Marauders were still half-asleep. It was Sirius's turn to check the Gryffindor Common Room Bulletin Board for updates today.

"What is it, Padfoot?" James yawned. "Anything interesting today?"

"We do have one thing that may be of your interest, Prongs." Sirius said. " Today is the open call audition for the Annual Hogwarts school play."

"And what play are we going to do this year?" Remus asked with a half yawn.

"Romeo and Juliet by that famous Muggle guy Shakespeare." Sirius said. "Surely everyone have heard of it, right?"

Even Peter nodded.

"Anyways, Prongs, here's something that may add to your interest…" Sirius said, "I saw Artemis downstairs in the common room. She told me that Lily will be trying out for Juliet." Sirius said. Artemis was close friends with the Marauders and Lily, and has been trying to convince Lily to give James a chance since James told everyone that he liked Lily in the Great Hall ever since 3rd year.

"You should try for Romeo, James…" Peter suggested, but James was already out the door.

"Seems like Prong is on his way to tryouts, Wormtail, we'll see him there." Sirius said and left the room, Remus and Peter did so too.

* * *

Two Weeks Later…

"Guys! The final cast list is up!" Peter announced to his half-asleep dorm mates. James seemed to have fully awakened at this exclamation and bolted out of the room, no doubt checking for the list for his part and Lily's,

"As expected from Prongs." Remus shook his head and smiled. "Always like that when it comes to Lily. Coming, Padfoot, Wormtail?"

"Coming." Replied Sirius and Peter as the three walked down the stairway and joined James at the bulletin board.

"PADFOOT! MOONY! WORMTAIL! I MADE ROMEO! AND LILY IS JULIET!" James shouted to his best friends in ecstasy.

"Calm down, James…. I bet the Slytherins can hear you all the way from the Dungeons." Sirius grinned. "But nevertheless, congratulations, mate."

"Let's see… good. I got Benvolio. Sirius, you got Mercutio, the role that every other guy who tried out wants…. Peter…." Remus said, but was cut off by Sirius.

"Excellent. I get to swordfight and have a few monologues." Sirius said. "I did want the role of Juliet though." He added as a joke comment.

"Are you serious?" said James seriously.

"Of course I'm Sirius. Have you forgotten my name, Prongs? Shame on you."

"I know you are Sirius. But are you serious? I mean about Juliet."

"I am Sirius, but I am not serious. That doesn't even make any sense."

"Oh…Padfoot, cut it with the puns." Moony said.

"But Shakespeare used a lot of puns. At least in Romeo and Juliet." Sirius replied, grinning. Remus palmfaced.

"Anyways…Peter, you got the role of………_THE NURSE_?!" Remus exclaimed, then burst out laughing, joined by James and Sirius.

"Excellent, Wormtail, you got the part with all the bawdy innuendos. Great job, man." James laughed.

"But I wanted to be Sampson or Gregory." Wormtail said. "You said they got a crap load of innuendo lines in the beginning. And they're men. But since I never read the play, I don't really know."

"Personally, I thought that Eric Sampson and Gregory Esser were more suited to be Sampson and Gregory. Their names even match up. The teachers thought so too," commented Sirius. "Still, it's not like you ended up being the random person on the street or something."

"True." Peter said, and at that exact moment, two girls came down the stair way to the Girls Dormitories. One was nearly as tall as Sirius, the tallest of the Marauders, with long black hair tied in a ponytail and wearing the pants of the guys' uniform instead of the skirt and knee socks of the girls'. The other was nearly a head shorter, but tall for a girl nevertheless. She had thick red hair and bright green eyes. They were laughing at a joke that the taller one just told.

"Lily." James muttered, restraining himself not to ask her out on that spot.

"Artemis… I still think you should've tried out for the play." Lily said to the black-haired girl next to her.

"I'd have tried out for Mercutio, but I personally think Sirius is much more suitable than I am. He can pull off the innuendos much better than I do. I bet anything he got the part. I'm not that great at acting anyways." Artemis said as they approached to the cast list. The Marauders moved aside to let them see, "Anyways, I like doing the costume and set design."

"But you are the best swordsman…or swordswoman in the school as far as I know." Lily complimented her friend. "Now… let's see… I got Juliet…that's good…POTTER GOT ROMEO? ANYONE BUT POTTER!"

"Lily…I mean Evans…can't you just give me a chance?" James said on the side putting hand up to ruffle his hair out of habit, only to be grabbed by Sirius.

"Lily hates that, remember?" He whispered.

"It's a habit….y'know." James whispered back.

"Anyways… Lily, you should give James a chance. He really likes you, and that's not a lie. Plus… this is just a play, isn't it?" Artemis said.

"Yes. But still… Potter?" Lily sighed. "Ah. Fine. I'll live. It's not like Avery got Romeo or something."

"I'd be surprised if he did." Artemis said as she checked the list. "Anyways, congratulations on getting the lead roles, guys."

"Thanks, Art. You'll be doing costume designing, right?" Remus said. "And where's Claudia?"

"Yep." Artemis replied. "Claudia went to the library before the cast list was put up to check something. I'd better tell her she got the role of the Chorus."

"Costume design, Art? A talent used to its fullest extent." Sirius said. "Just don't put I, as Mercutio, in a pink, frilly, dress, okay?"

"I won't, don't worry… you know I don't enjoy designing pink, frilly dresses anyways."

"We can tell. What kind of person in their right mind would want to design such a vile thing?" James said.

"None that I know of." Artemis laughed. "Not me anyways. See you at breakfast, then."

* * *

Severus Snape got down from the Slytherin Boys Dormitory into the Common Room.

"Hello Regulus. Checking the List?" Snape said. Even though he hates Sirius, Snape was rather good friends with Regulus despite him being Sirius's younger brother. After all, Regulus and Sirius didn't get a long too well ever since Sirius entered Hogwarts and was sorted into Gryffindor, breaking the family tradition of a long line of Slytherins. Of course, the brothers really couldn't hate each other, as they used to be best friends, but there was still a certain rift between the two.

"Yep." Regulus said. "I got Tybalt."

"Good for you." Snape said. "Let's see… Lily is Juliet, that's to be expected… HOW IS POTTER ROMEO?"

" It's not the end of the world, Severus." Regulus said. "You got Paris, which means you get to ask her hand in marriage. Does that make up for it?"

"I guess so." Snape said darkly. "But still, Potter, Romeo?"

"I personally think you'd make a better Romeo, but the teachers thought otherwise. You had, and still have, my support, though."

"Thank you, Regulus. And good luck on your part too."

"Speaking of which, Peter Pettigrew… y'know… one of my brother's friends, got the part of the _Nurse._" Regulus checked down the list. "Perfect for him." Out of Sirius's friends, Peter was the one that Regulus thought the least of. Of course, Peter also happened to be the stupid one of the group of geniuses. So he can't be blamed.

Even Snape grinned at that one. "Suits him, alright."


	2. Much Happens in the First Rehearsal

"Wake up." Remus called to his dorm mates on the first Saturday morning after the cast list had been posted. "Rehearsal starts in 20 minutes."

"What time is it?" James said sleepily as Sirius and Peter dressed themselves.

"It is eight-thirty in the morning," Remus said as he took out a paper bag out from under his robes. "I got breakfast from the kitchens. Eat quickly."

"Do we have to get up this early?" James yawned. "Even with Quidditch, I don't have to get up until quarter after ten."

"Show some commitment, will you?" Sirius said, now fully dressed in his Hogwarts uniform.

"Like you can talk." James retorted. "You've broken Hogwarts record for the amount of girlfriends you've had."

"It's not my fault that I happened to be the best looking guy in the school and the girls like me. It's also not my fault that I'm too nice and actually agreed to go on dates on all those that asked me out nicely." Sirius said. "But that's irrelevant. Lily's going to be there. In fact, she might be there already."

James wolfed down his bagel and nearly choked on his pumpkin juice as he bolted out the dormitory door.

"So very like him." Sirius laughed as he took a bite out of his egg bagel spread with lox. "Pass the pumpkin juice, Moony."

* * *

After taking 10 minutes to eat their breakfast of bagels and pumpkin juice, Sirius, Remus, and Peter arrived at the spare Charms classroom where the rehearsals take place. They entered and found the room about five times the size of a normal classroom, which was plenty of room to hold a rehearsal.

"Rehearsal starts in 10 minutes." Professor Flitwick said to them as they entered.

The three immediately spotted James and walked over to him. "So, how's life 10 minutes without us?" Sirius said jokingly.

"I was rejected." James said dejectedly. "By Lily."

"Prongs… please don't go emo on us." Remus said. "Especially not when rehearsal is about to start."

"This is the four-thousand-nine-hundred-and-thirty-fifth that I got rejected by Lily." James said. "None of you had to go through that."

"True. But don't be emo. Have a cookie, Prongs." Sirius said. "Cookies make everything better." And he pulled out a cookie from nowhere.

"Thanks, Padfoot." James took the cookie and took a bite. It was amazingly good.

"There. Feeling better now?" Sirius said. James nodded.

"Padfoot…where'd you get the cookie?" Remus asked in an undertone. "I don't remember bringing any into our lunch bag…"

"I figured that this will probably happen, knowing Prongs… so I ripped off a piece of my bagel and transfigured it into a cookie." Sirius said. " I'm not his best friend for nothing, y'know."

"Rehearsal will be starting in 5 minutes." Announced Professor McGonagall. "People who have lines in Act One, Scene One, go to the area to my left. Others, please go to Miss Artemis Kyo on the right for measurements for their costume."

"We will be running through the script today." Said Professor Flitwick.

"Have fun fighting my brother, Moony." Sirius said as he, James, and Peter walked to the right side of the classroom towards Artemis. "He can be a bit ferocious."

"I'll keep that in mind, even though we're only going through the lines." Remus said as he went to the left side to read his lines as Benvolio.

* * *

On the other side of the school, in a spare Arithmancy classroom, holds the meetings of the "Official Sirius Black Fan Club of the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry", a rather large group of girls from every house in Hogwarts, including Slytherin, who has a crush on Sirius Black. The meetings are held every Saturday morning before breakfast, so the girls can figure out new ways to ambush Sirius every week. Sirius was well aware of the club's existence, but can do naught against it.

The leader of the club was a Ravenclaw 7th year, Aria Sampson, whose twin brother, Eric, plays the role of Sampson in the school play. Being a Ravenclaw, she was intelligent and comes up with the best ideas for the club to ambush Sirius. And her plans work about 80 percent of the time.

"We will go to the rehearsal today." Aria announced to the club. "Sirius is in the play as Mercutio."

The club all nodded in agreement. Exiting the "meeting room", Aria led the fan club towards the Charms corridor to where the rehearsal was being held.

* * *

"This should do." Artemis said as she took Sirius's measurements. "And are you sure you don't want a pink frilly dress? You'd look great in one." She joked.

"I'll pass, but thanks anyways." Sirius said. "Maybe another time." He joked back.

"By the way, you have to do something about your hair when you are actually performing." Artemis said. "It's almost as long as mine."

"You are not saying that I cut it, right? Because you know I wouldn't do that." Sirius said, a bit panicking. He's been growing his hair out for years and liked it long. There was no way that he will cut it.

"Of course not. I know you love your hair almost as much as I love my pencil. I'm saying that you just need to tie it up… it looks more in character that way." Artemis said. "Plus, it looks good with what I'm going to design you."

Sirius sighed in relief. So he doesn't have to cut his hair. He'd rather wear a pink, frilly dress rather than cut it, and that's saying something.

"Act one, scene four up please." Professor Flitwick announced to the people in the waiting area.

"See you later, Art." Sirius said as he, James, and Remus walked towards the rehearsal area to read their lines.

* * *

"Here it is." Aria said to her group of girls. "Let's go in."

"Are you sure?" Said a Hufflepuff 4th year. "We have over 20 people."

"This is the largest classroom in the whole school." Aria informed her. "It has no problem holding over 100 students. There's only about 25 people in the whole play, so I don't see the problem of an extra 20 people."

No one had any objections, so silently Aria pu shed open the door and walked in, followed by the rest of the Fan Club members. No one noticed them, as their attention was towards Sirius, who was delivering the famous "Queen Mab" speech.

"_O, then I see Queen Mab hath been with you. _

_She is the fairies' midwife, and she comes _

_In shape no bigger than an agate stone _

_On the forefinger of an alderman, _

_Drawn with a team of little atomies _

_Over men's noses as they lie asleep; _

_Her wagon spokes made of long spinners' legs, _

_The cover, of the wings of grasshoppers; _

_Her traces, of the smallest spider web; _

_Her collars, of the moonshine's wat'ry beams; _

_Her whip, of cricket's bone; the lash, of film; _

_Her wagoner, a small grey-coated gnat, _

_Not half so big as a round little worm _

_Pricked from the lazy finger of a maid; _

_Her chariot is an empty hazelnut, _

_Made by the joiner squirrel or old grub, _

_Time out o' mind the fairies' coachmakers. _

_And in this state she gallops night by night _

_Through lovers' brains, and then they dream of love; _

_O'er courtiers' knees, that dream on curtsies straight; _

_O'er lawyers' fingers, who straight dream on fees; _

_O'er ladies' lips, who straight on kisses dream, _

_Which oft the angry Mab with blisters plagues, _

_Because their breaths with sweetmeats tainted are. _

_Sometimes she gallops o'er a courtier's nose, _

_And then dreams he of smelling out a suit; _

_And sometimes comes she with a tithe-pig's tail _

_Tickling a parson's nose as 'a lies asleep, _

_Then dreams he of another benefice. _

_Sometimes she driveth o'er a soldier's neck, _

_And then dreams he of cutting foreign throats, _

_Of breaches, ambuscadoes, Spanish blades, _

_Of healths five fathom deep; and then anon _

_Drums in his ear, at which he starts and wakes, _

_And being thus frighted, swears a prayer or two _

_And sleeps again. This is that very Mab _

_That plats the manes of horses in the night _

_And bakes the elflocks in foul sluttish hairs, _

_Which once untangled much misfortune bodes. _

_This is the hag, when maids lie on their backs, _

_That presses them and learns them first to bear, _

_Making them women of good carriage. _

_This is she!"_

Sirius read through the whole speech without noticing his fan club, as he was absorbed into the speech himself.

"This the first time I heard someone do a monologue so perfectly on their first try." Said Professor Flitwick, who applauded. The whole room followed suit. Sirius gave a bow and then, looking up, noticed his infamous fan club. Faster than lightning, he dashed behind Artemis, who came over from her corner to watch. Sirius, hard to believe as it was, generally does not like being mean to girls, even his Fan Club. Of course, Artemis happened to be around, and she can easily scare off a bunch of wimpy fangirls. That's one of the reasons what friends are for, right?

"Help me." Sirius whispered.

"I'd be glad to." Artemis stood up from her easel, walked over to the fan club, clicked her pencil, and from within drew a full-length katana.

"Sirius does not welcome you. So unless you have a part in the play, leave now or I'll literally kick you out." She said. The fangirls cowered then bolted out of the room at once.

Sliding her sword back into her pencil, Artemis walked back to her seat and said, "There. Now you are safe."

"Thanks. How'd you draw a sword out of that pencil anyways?" Sirius asked.

"It's charmed so I can carry around my sword and wand easily, and the graphite never runs out. It also changes thickness and hardness, as well as between ink and pencil, and colors." Artemis clicked the mechanical pencil again and the lead/graphite came out, so she can go back to designing. "Got it for a birthday present last summer. Too bad you couldn't come to the party… Now go back to read your lines. Got to make your costumes, y'know."

* * *

"Act two, scene two." Professor McGonagall announced.

"Start." She said to James, who had the first lines in the scene.

"_He jests at scars that never felt a wound._" James read. "_But soft_…Wait….what about soft?"

Remus shook his head. "It means 'behold'," he said, "continue reading."

"Okies." James said as he went back to his script and read, "_But soft! What light through yonder window breaks_… wait, they're breaking windows? Sweet!"

"No James. It's just an expression. As much I'd love to break some windows we're not going to, okay?" Sirius, who's standing on the side, explained to James.

"Funny I should hear you say that, Padfoot. I thought you'd be breaking a window now." James said.

"Go back to work. You can't impress Lily if you keep going this way," was Sirius's reply.

Hearing this, James quickly went back to look over his lines, so he can get them down right. Then, with his best efforts, he read, "_But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and **Lily **is the sun_."

Remus and Sirius positively palmfaced.

"Think he gets it this time… but he's getting it a bit too much." Sirius said, half laughing.

"Hey! I can compliment Lily however I want!" exclaimed James. "Too bad she isn't responding."

"James… pretend Lily got a name change and is now called Juliet, okay?" Remus suggested to James.

"Okay. Let's start over." James said cheerfully and read, for the fourth time, this time correctly, "_But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Juliet is the sun."_

"He's finally getting it." Sirius sighed out of relief.

All this time, Peter has been standing in a corner, oblivious to James's mistakes, happily nibbling on a cookie.


	3. Quidditch, Fangirls, and Innuendo

"Why can't I get off of rehearsals for just one day?" James pouted. "Quidditch match today. QUIDDITCH! And I'm the captain of the Gryffindor team!"

"Because you don't have your lines completely down yet, Prongs, and it's been about 7 weeks worth of rehearsals, mind." Remus said. "We'll just have to find an alternative. Artemis told me that her friend Claudia was rather good at playing Chaser even though she never tried out."

"But I'm the captain! The captain has to go to the match!" James shouted like a little boy. "I don't want to go to rehearsals!"

"You also happened to be the male lead. Anyways, the performance is in December, y'know, and it's almost the end of October." Remus said. "It's only one match you'll be missing anyways."

"If it makes you feel better, mate, I'll ditch Quidditch and go down to rehearsal with you." Sirius said.

"Are you sure, Padfoot? Sacrificing Quidditch when you have your lines absolutely perfect?"

"Friends are more important." Sirius said. "And besides. It makes a better impression on Lily if you go to rehearsal. She could care less about Quidditch."

James nodded. Lily was always the key. "Who are you asking to sub in for you as Beater, though?" He asked. "Out of all those who tried out, only you and Kingsley are any good."

"And what about the people who didn't try out?" Sirius said. "Artemis herself would be good. If she can send Avery to the Hospital Wing with just one punch, she is strong enough to be Beater."

"Avery deserved what he got. Plus it was hilarious." James said. "And the best part was that Art didn't even get in trouble. Not after the teachers heard her reasons anyways."

"I'll go ask Artemis and Claudia to fill for us, then. See you all at rehearsal." Sirius said as he exited the room down the boys' dormitory stairs and into the Gryffindor Common Room. To his good luck, Artemis, Claudia, a girl with brown, curly hair who was shorter than Artemis but taller than Lily, and Lily were sitting down there having their breakfast.

"Excuse me." Sirius said politely. One of the reasons he was popular with girls was that he actually treats them nicely, aside from the Slytherins, and by his fan club's standards, his fan club as well. Who can blame him? His fan club was ready to jump his any day, and he can only run.

"Hello, Sirius," said Artemis and Claudia, who were friendlier with Sirius than Lily, who just said, "What is it, Black?"

Sirius knew that Lily disliked both him and James, so he didn't take it personally. "I have a favor to ask of Artemis and Claudia." He said. "Would you girls be interested in filling for me and James at Quidditch today? We have to be at rehearsal, so we can't play for our house."

"We'd be glad to." Claudia said as Artemis nodded. "What positions?" She asked.

"Chaser for James and Beater for me, respectively." Sirius replied. Artemis and Claudia nodded.

"I've got my lines down anyways so I don't see why not." Claudia commented.

"Wait, Black, you said that Potter is ditching Quidditch for rehearsal?" Lily asked skeptically.

"Yes. He is willing to give up one match as the performance date is less than two months away." Sirius said. "It wasn't an easy choice for him, but he made it. And James doesn't change his mind."

"I have first-hand experience with that," said Lily, "He's been trying to ask me out since Merlin-Knows-When."

"You know… you really should give James a chance. He'd do anything for you. That probably includes getting his hands on some girl's hair-straightener and make his hair look neat." Sirius said. Lily ignored his comment, although Artemis and Claudia laughed. "Now… you two know where the locker rooms are, right?"

"Yep. Just tell me where the Beater's clubs are put. You know I've never been in there." Artemis said.

"In my locker. James's lockers is number 104 and mine 107. I'll give you our locker combos. Hold on…" Sirius said while pulling out a parchment and Artemis lent him her mechanical pencil. "Here you go." He said, giving the combos to the girls.

"Don't worry. We'll beat Slytherin easily." Claudia said. "Regulus has a major part too, and he's nowhere near perfect, so they are missing their best Seeker."

"And their only decent Seeker, mind. Regulus got horribly injured during the practice before our match last year and their sub-in was horrible. We won by about 500 points." Sirius said. "Well, good luck to you two, please tell the team that James and Sirius sends them their deepest apologies and wishes them good luck against those Slytherins."

"We'll deliver the message." Claudia said as James, Remus, and Peter came down the stairs.

"Alright. See you then. And best of luck to you." Sirius said. "A plague o' the Slytherin Team!"

Even Lily smiled at this comment. Sirius was getting quite in character as Mercutio.

"Come with us, Evans?" James said. "We are all going down there anyways."

"Okay." Lily said. Sirius, Remus, and Peter were surprised at she actually agreeing to come with them, but in a good way as maybe Lily will begin to like James.

* * *

_"She could have run and waddled all about;__  
For even the day before, she broke her brow:  
And then my husband--God be with his soul!  
A' was a merry man--took up the child:  
'Yea,' quoth he, 'dost thou fall upon thy face?  
Thou wilt fall backward when thou hast more wit;  
Wilt thou not, Jule?' and, by my holidame,  
The pretty wretch left crying and said 'Ay.'  
To see, now, how a jest shall come about!  
I warrant, an I should live a thousand years,  
I never should forget it: 'Wilt thou not, Jule?' quoth he;  
And, pretty fool, it stinted and said 'Ay,'"_ read Peter in a monotone, having no idea what he just read. 

"You need to put more emotion in it, Pettigrew," said Professor McGonagall.

"But… what does it mean?" Peter said, confused.

"It's…well… hard to explain," said Professor McGonagall. "Well… it means…"

"We can explain to him, professor." James said.

"It means my innuendo senses are tingling." Sirius said. " '_Thou wilt fall backward when thou hast more wit._' Interpret it how you will."

"Immature much, Padfoot?" Remus laughed. " _'Innuendo Senses.'_ You are a bigger pervert than I thought."

"It's all Mercutio's fault. He's ten times the pervert I am." Sirius said.

"Oh really?" commented James. " Last time you asked me to get you some Muggle porn magazines."

"Must you announce that to the whole world?" Sirius said, before Professor McGonagall cut them off.

"Boys! Getting off topic here!"

"Okay. Let's try again." Remus said apologetically. "Peter?"

* * *

"That was epic! Peter, do that for all your lines with innuendo in them! We're so proud of you! You finally got it!" Sirius said, choking on air as he laughed at the (after about 100 tries), the perfect delivery of Peter's innuendo lines. James was laughing, and surprisingly, so was Remus, the responsible and not as perverted one. Peter looked rather pleased with himself. 

"Bathroom." Sirius said to his friends. "Be right back."

"Okay." James and Remus said as Sirius exited the room.

* * *

As he exited the boy's bathroom Sirius encountered a familiar, but unpleasant sight. 

"Crap. I should've gone upstairs." He said to himself. Sirius happened to have walked into the Arithmancy department----where his Fan Club meetings were taking place. Apparently, the fan club meeting just ended and the fan girls are coming out of the classroom. That's when Sirius was noticed.

"HOLY HELL NO!" Sirius ran through the corridors as the whole 20-or-so fangirls simultaneous started running his way. _They are fast._ He thought in panic as the corridor reached a dead end.

"Sirius! WE LOVE YOU!" The fangirls jumped him as Sirius, in panic, transformed into doggy form and ran through the fan crowd. The fan girls, intent on getting to glomp a six foot-four, tall, muscular guy that they all fancy, did not notice a black dog running as fast as he can out of sight.

"Where the hell is he?" One of them finally noticed that they've been attacking each other (or air).

"Who knows?" Another replies. "We let him escape again!"

* * *

Sirius was out of breath by the time he got back to the rehearsal room as he pushed open the door and sat him self down in a chair without looking. 

"Goddamn fangirls…" He muttered as James came running at him.

"Sirius! Sirius! You won't believe it!" He shouted, apparently very happy.

"What, you found a way to keep fangirls away from me?" Sirius said, still catching his breath. "Since they got me cornered and attacked me again."

"It's your fault that you have a fan club in the first place." James said. "You certainly like to show off to the girls."

"But it's not my fault that I'm born drop-dead gorgeous and utterly dead sexy." Sirius said. "One thing that the Black family genetics are actually good for."

"Egoistical much, Padfoot?" Remus said on the side. "Good-looking we can agree on. But sexy?"

"Don't argue with my blatant sexiness." Sirius said. "And I like my ego level the way it is."

"Changing the topic," James said. "We won the Quidditch match, 550 to 70!"

Sirius finally noticed that Artemis and Claudia were present. "Wow! That's great!"

"The Seeker was really incompetent." Artemis said. "I knocked him out with my bludger 10 minutes into the game. From 500 feet away nevertheless."

Regulus was in a corner sulking. _Maybe I should've just ditched rehearsal and went to Quidditch._ He thought to himself as he downed a whole bottle of Firewhiskey.

"Anyways… I'd better get ready. Judging from the lines I'm coming up soon." Sirius said as he, James, and Remus got ready for Act one, Scene four.


	4. Costumes, Fights, Jealousy

"I still think you should wear a pink, frilly, dress as Mercutio on stage, Padfoot." James joked. "It'd be hilarious."

"No way am I going to do that. Not in front of my Fan Club anyways." Sirius replies. "I mean… if we keep it in the Gryffindor Common Room… fine by me, a laugh is always good, but just not in front of those creepy fangirls."

"Then it's decided. You are wearing a dress to the cast party." James said.

"Wait… what?" Sirius said… "You can't be serious!"

"Of course not. You are the only Sirius in the school. How can I be you?" James said.

"Argh! This is not the time for puns!" Sirius said. "Alright. Let me rephrase this: you are joking, right?"

"Of course not. And we'll be doing this with you…we'll all wear dresses!" James said. "Friends do everything together."

To his surprise, even Remus and Peter nodded. Sirius sighed. "I give up. I'll wear the dress." He told them. "But not the pink and frilly one. Not a million years in Hell."

"Fair enough. Now let's get down to rehearsal," James said as he jumped off his bed and grabbed a sandwich out of the paper bag that Peter brought up, opening the door for his dorm mates.

* * *

"The costumes are finished. Please go to Miss Artemis Kyo to pick them up and try them on. We will have rehearsal with the costumes on today." Professor McGonagall announced after all of the cast members arrived at the Charms classroom.

As the Marauders arrived the rehearsal room late, they were the farthest away from Artemis's corner and received their costumes last. That gave them time to talk to Artemis.

"Oh, and Art, we want some dresses for the cast party." James said after a 5 minute conversation about random topics as Sirius puts his Mercutio costume on behind a curtain.

"Why?" Artemis said, rather amused. "You are not wearing one, are you?"

"You hit the spot there." James grinned. "The four of us plans on going to the cast party wearing dresses. You know… to be amusing."

"Alright. I believe I have your measurements so it won't be a problem." Artemis laughed. "Now… ah. Sirius is done. I believe it's your turn now, Peter."

Peter went behind the curtains to change as Sirius came out, fully dressed in his Mercutio costume.

"What's with those girls drooling at my direction?" Sirius asked Artemis as Peter entered the changing area. "Seriously…"

"Oh… _I don't know_… maybe they find that you look good in your costume and that they already have a long-running crush on you?" Artemis said with a slight hint of sarcasm. It was very widely known that Sirius was rather popular with girls.

"Well yeah… but how the hell do they know I was changing?" Sirius said. "This is a rather remote corner of the room, after all."

"Hmm… let's see… are you sure you are not over six foot tall?" Claudia said, "tall people tend to stand out more, y'know."

"I think I broke the six foot line two years ago." Sirius said. "I like my height."

"Prooooooongs! Your turn!" Peter shouted as he came out of the changing station (behind a few curtains) wearing a dress and a wig. He was the Nurse after all.

"You make a good woman, Wormtail." James laughed as he took his costume and went in to change. Remus, Sirius, and Artemis were laughing too. Peter chuckled as he saw himself in the mirror. He did pass off for the Nurse rather well.

"Hey Wormtail. I think you should start crossdressing from now on." Sirius suggested. "You are a natural for it." He laughed. Peter turned bright red.

"Stop teasing him, Padfoot." Remus said even though he cannot help laughing himself.

"Anyways… Sirius, make sure that Regulus doesn't really kill you." Artemis said. "It does not please me to have my pupil killed on stage. All that sword fighting lessons for nothing!"

"I won't let him really kill me. I don't think the teachers are, either." Sirius smiled. "Ah. There's James. Your turn, Remus. We still have 20 minutes before the rehearsal really starts, so take your time."

In another changing area near the Marauders, Artemis, and Claudia, Lily has just finished changing into her dress. It was dark green, with a black corset and lace trims on the sleeves and the collars.

"Excuse me." James has clearly seen her and was walking over to her to compliment her beauty. As well as asking her out for the four-thousand-nine-hundred-and-thirty-sixth time. However, James saw Regulus walk over to her from his seat. He was not suspicious, however, as Lily was very pretty and it's normal for her to get compliments, even from those from the Slytherin house.

"You look beautiful." Regulus said.

"Why thank you." Lily replied warmly. After all, even though Regulus was a Slytherin, he was an all around nice guy(besides the rift between his brother), so he was not hated as much as his fellow house mates.

"May I ask you to go out with me?" Regulus asked politely with a slight bow.

Before Lily can consider, both James and Snape lost control and jumped on poor Regulus and started beating him.

"Ah, complimenting pretty girls is built in the genes of the Black family men. But dear lil' bro took it too far." Sirius commented. "The time is come that I, as his older brother, will save his butt."

"I'll help you." Artemis said as the two went over to the fight. Lily looks absolutely horrified, but was unable to help. With great effort, Artemis and Sirius pulled James and Snape off of Regulus, who was bleeding and bruised.

It was the first time anyone has heard Sirius yell at James. "What were you thinking, Prongs? Are you effin' out of your mind?" He yelled. "You just reduced your chance of hooking up with Lily!"

"I was not thinking, you were right." James said.

"And you owe Regulus and Lily an apology." Artemis said as she pulled Regulus up.

"He provoked me into beating him up in the first place." James said.

"All he did was ask out Lily. All's fair in love and war. Maybe you'd have more of a chance if you contained yourself and didn't beat him up." Artemis said. "Apologize or I kick you."

"Fine. I'm sorry. I was out of my mind. I did not know what I was doing, Black." Was all James could manage as he ran off to apologize to Lily, who just slapped Snape. Regulus was already unconscious.

"I'll take him to the Hospital Wing." Artemis said. "Give me a hand here, Claudia. And Sirius, give James some emotional support, will you?"

* * *

"Lily… I'm sorry! I don't know what possessed me to do that. I am really… really… sorry…." James apologized for the 5th time. "Please! Just accept my apology!"

"No. After what you've done?" Lily said. "Plainly unacceptable! I will see that you get a week of detention at the very least!"

"I deserve the detention, that I will not deny. But accept my apology, Lily!" James said. "I beseech you!"

"Lily? Since when have I allowed you to call me by my first name?" Lily said. "And that is not to be forgiven!"

"If you be taken, my grave is like to be my wedding bed." James said darkly, quoting Shakespeare while changing a few words to make sense for the situation and his personal feelings. "I'm sorry, L… Evans, I just cannot stand the sight of another man wishing for your hand in a date."

"Which translates to that he's jealous." Sirius commented on the side. "I do not think what James did was right, even though he's my best friend, but he did it out of his love for you." He said. "So on mine, Remus's, Peter's, Claudia's, and Artemis's behalf…. Please accept his apology."

"Wow. Padfoot really is a genius when it comes to words." Peter said in awe.

"I never thought that Padfoot, out of all people, is capable of such thoughtful words." Remus said. "I was going to help to mediate them… but it seems so unnecessary now."

Lily's anger seemed to have cooled down, as she is no longer yelling. "But he will not go unpunished." She said to Sirius.

"No need to tell Sirius that. I'll hand myself over to McGonagall to do whatever punishment she bestows upon me." James said as he started to walk away when Artemis and Claudia came back.

"Madam Pomfrey said that he'll be okay, given that they are all only flesh wounds. Thank Merlin he didn't get any innate injuries." Claudia said. "So it's not the worst that could've happened."

"Glad to hear that." Lily said. "Don't bother handing yourself in, Potter. I'll punish you myself. We can't afford to lose another lead when the performance is so close."

"I guess for his absence, I'll have to take over Tybalt for this rehearsal. It's not like Regulus played servingman number one or something… Tybalt is a major role. As bad as my acting may be, my swordsmanship will make up for it." Artemis said. "But we'll have him back for the next."

"Good plan. So what punishment will thee bestow upon my head, m'lady?" said James.

"It can wait until we get back to the Gryffindor Tower." Lily said coldly. "Now get yourself in shape. Rehearsal's about to begin."

"Act one, Scene one, please prepare for your parts." Came the voice of tiny Professor Flitwick.

"Argh. I'd better get ready. Glad I made some extra costumes just in case." Artemis said. "It's good that I'm good at passing off as a guy."

* * *

"It's time for me to give you your punishment, Potter." Lily said in the Gryffindor Common Room after the 2-hour rehearsal.

"I'll take whatever punishment you give me," said James. "I deserve it after all."

"You may not ask me out for a month straight." Lily said. "break this and you lose all prospect of _EVER_ dating me."

"That means there's still hope for you, Prongs." Remus said. "Just behave yourself for a month, okay?"

James nodded. It's exactly a month until the performance. He still has a chance.


	5. Two Weeks Time and Regulus's Grudge

"Ahhh! I can't take it anymore! I have to ask her out!" Was the first thing James Potter said, or shouted, after he woke up 8 in the morning. It was two weeks after the "Regulus Incident", and James kept his promise, not asking Lily out no matter how tempting it was, but he was about to crack.

"Don't. Either you wait your two weeks or never have a chance with her." Sirius said. "Even I have more patience than you, Prongs."

"You've never liked someone that much, have you?" James said darkly. "You've had plenty of girlfriends… you wouldn't know."

"I've said that I only go out with a lot of people because I'm really a nice guy in the inside. It's not my fault if girls decide to ask me out…" Sirius said. " And most of those 'girlfriends' that you are talking about have only been to one date with me at their request. Don't take me for a manwhore."

"With your looks, you could start a harem right here in the school, Padfoot." James said. "I thought you were a pervert like me."

"Who said I wasn't? I certainly do like reading erotic novels and looking at pretty girls in those Muggle bikinis." Sirius laughed. "But being a pervert's different from being a manwhore, I assure you."

"This is getting way off topic. And Moony'd yell at us for talking about such a perverted subject." James said, with a smile.

"Moony isn't here. It's his turn to bring us breakfast, remember? I did it last week. Plus, he knows that we have perverted minds." Sirius chuckled. "And you are way more perverted than I am. I bet you are having fantasies about Lily."

"I DO NOT!" James turned bright pink as he grabbed a pillow, jumped off his own bed, and hit Sirius, whose bed was the one closest to his own.

"Oh yes you do. I can tell." Sirius laughed as he was hit by James's pillow. Without any hesitation, he grabbed his own pillow and hit James back as Remus walked in with a paper bag filled with their breakfast.

"I have breakfast, guys…Seriously, WHAT THE HELL?" Remus nearly dropped his paper bag as Peter just woke up, looking confused at the pillow fight between Sirius and James.

"Me again?" Sirius sighed. "What's with you people?"

"Sorry Sirius… no pun intended." Remus said. "Anyways. Hurry up and eat. And don't kill each other."

* * *

The Marauders arrived down at rehearsal 15 minutes prior to its start.

"It's two weeks until the actual performance, so today's rehearsal will be 4 hours long instead of 2." Professor McGonagall told them as they walked in.

"4 hours? Are you kidding?" James burst out shouting. "NO WAY!"

"I am sorry, Mr. Potter, but that's how things work. Especially since you are the leading male." Professor McGonagall said stiffly. " And it's 6 hours next weekend, plus 2 hours every other school day until the performance. I will notify your teachers to exempt you from homework."

"Oh. Okay then." James said. "Lack of homework makes everything better."

* * *

"Black! You are not supposed to kill Potter! How many times I'm supposed to tell you that?" Professor McGonagall shouted at Regulus, who apparently "killed" James again in swordfighting. It was as Sirius described that Regulus was rather fierce with weapons, but Regulus was doubly more so ever since the "Lily Incident.", at least to James. Furthermore, he's ignoring his best friend, Snape, for the past two weeks. McGonagall, being at the other side of the room, yelling at some other people at the time of the incident, did not know of it.

"I'm sorry, Professor." Regulus said. "I'm trying to hold back."

"Well… let's do that part again." McGonagall said. "Begin."

"Seems like your brother hasn't forgiven Prongs yet, has he?" Remus said in an undertone to Sirius, "he kept on killing him."

"It has to be so, because he's definitely nicer to me." Sirius said. "Hell, that's a first. Regulus and I aren't exactly getting along."

"Ah. There we go again." Remus said. Regulus's fake rapier has just reached James's chest for the fifteenth time as McGonagall went off on him again. "It's not like Prongs hadn't apologized to Regulus, though."

"Regulus's not exactly forgiving, no matter how nice he is to other people." Sirius said. "While he's not the worst of the Slytherins, getting on his bad side, unless you are me, is a bad idea."

"What do you mean… 'unless you are you'?" Remus asked.

"In case you haven't noticed, I always win our fights." Sirius said. "Both dueling and verbally."

"Not very surprising, knowing your vast vocabulary of insults." Remus laughed. "I bet the whole school can take you on and you can still insult them speechless."

"I take this as a compliment." Sirius smiled. "In which case, I thank you, Moony."

"Ah. Looks like Regulus is finally getting the point. Well… I was going to suggest you sub in for James so we can get the scene over with, but I guess not anymore."

"No. That was just practice with that one part since Regulus is still pissed at Prongs." Sirius said. "We're going to start the whole scene over. Hope Regulus gets it this time around."

"Oh yeah! That was the reason I am right now offstage in the first place. In that case, let's get ready." Remus said as Professor McGonagall called to the room in general for people in Act 3, Scene 1.

* * *

"REGULUS! NOT AGAIN!" Sirius shouted offstage as Regulus failed to let James "kill" him again. "And James, attack him like I would… this is a play, no time to feel guilty! Apologize later!"

James grinned apologetically to Sirius. "You know what happened two weeks ago."

"Of course I know… but this is rehearsal! So both of you, get yourselves effin' together and do it right!" Sirius yelled as McGonagall looked at him in surprise.

"Black… I never knew you are capable of _responsibility_!" She exclaimed. "That's a pleasant surprise."

"Thank you, Professor." Sirius smiled in his usual way. "I guess I am just awesome like that."

"Anyways… listen to what Black said and get yourselves together. It's only a little more than two weeks from the actual performance." Professor McGonagall said to the two boys. "Again."

"Yes, Professor." Regulus and James said as they started coming at each other with their fake rapiers.


	6. The Play and the Holiday Party

**Author's note: Chapter 6 is a super-long double chapter. I'd rather have all the events happening in the same day on one chapter, even if it's really long, than a breakdown of it into 2 chapters. So if you don't like long chapters, I hereby apologize.**

* * *

"Yo! People!" James said loudly to his sleeping friends as he brought up the breakfast from the Kitchens. "Wake up already."

"Ah. It's the day of the performance, isn't it? It was posted that today all classes will be canceled." Sirius said as he sat up from his bed. Reaching from his bed, he was unable to find his Mercutio costume. He stood up, his blanket falling off from him, revealing a rather muscular body from playing Beater and his Kamikaze boxers he got as an April Fools joke from the Marauders. Remus somehow convinced Lily to get one in a Muggle shop, which was pretty surprising.

"No wonder the girls fan over you." James laughed. " Anyways… what happened to your matching Kamikaze pajamas?"

"It's in the wash." Sirius sighed. " The fangirls snuck in and stole my other pairs while we were sleeping, or so it seems, because when I woke up to get breakfast that day, my drawers were a mess and my spare pajamas were gone, along with several pairs of my boxers."

"That's too bad, Padfoot." Remus chuckled. "The downside of being the most sought-after guy at school. I've recently heard from my contact from within the Fan Club—You know—my cousin Marlene—that you've acquired some fan boys."

"FAN BOYS? Are you f---ing serious?" Sirius shouted, not thinking about what he just said.

"As much as the half of the female population in this school would appreciate it, I am not doing you. I'm straight, y'know." Remus said, laughing. "You are the only Sirius in the school."

"Hey! I didn't mean it in that way!" Sirius picked up his pillow and smacked Remus. "Goddamn puns."

"Blame the fangirls." Remus said, putting on his shirt. "And why are you still in your boxers?"

"Ah! That's right! My costume… ah. Here it is." Sirius said as he picked up his costume and hastened to put them on. "Thank Merlin Artemis didn't make us wear tights."

"Padfoot in tights… haha!" James chuckled. "Anyways. Hurry up. They want to run it through before the performance this afternoon."

"Okay." The other three said, now fully dressed, as the four Marauders descended the stairs to the final run-through before the play.

* * *

"Where did Snape go?" Artemis said anxiously to Sirius. "He's been missing this whole rehearsal. How irresponsible."

"It's good that Claudia's a very good actress, so our final rehearsal can go on." Sirius said, now being off stage since he "died" as Mercutio. "Where the Hell is Snivelly? I swear… if he doesn't show up by the time of the performance, I'd literally kill him with my rapier."

"You do realize that those rapiers are those collapsible ones that fold in when you apply pressure to it, right? I mean… we have to make the stabbing realistic that way. " Artemis informed him. "And we should go find a coffin. It's already Act 4. They'll be needing it."

"If we don't get one in time, what should we do?" Sirius asked.

"We use a bathtub." Artemis said. "But we have to find it before the performance."

"I'll tell Regulus to get us a bathtub if we don't come back by Act 5." Sirius said. "He should listen to me on this one. It's all for the better."

"True. Tell him, then we'll go."

* * *

"Artemis! I found a coffin!" Sirius exclaimed as they got down to the dungeons.

"Great. Now help me carry it upstairs." Artemis said, as she and Sirius picked up the two ends of the coffin. "This is surprisingly heavy. Your brother's a feather compared to this thing." She commented, referring back to a month ago when James and Snape beat Regulus up for asking Lily out.

"It is." Sirius said. "Feel's like something's in it. Should we open it, Artemis?"

"Yes." Artemis said and she opened the coffin, revealing a sleeping Snape inside.

"WHAT THE F---ing HELL?" They exclaimed in unison. Snape, at the sound of their profane exclamation, woke up.

"Snape! It's almost the end of the final run through and rehearsal, Goddamit! And you can sleep?" exclaimed Artemis, apparently angry with Snape.

"I am sorry. I drank too much last night and I lost a bet. So I ended up sleeping in the coffin and not realizing the time." Snape said politely, but only because he doesn't want to be on the receiving end of Artemis's physical punishment. Lily's slap was hard enough to bruise his face for days, and she had no physical training whatsoever. He shuddered to think about what Artemis can do to him, being a Martial Artist and all. He's seen what happened a few months ago when Avery harassed her. He ended up in the Hospital Wing for weeks.

"Carry this coffin upstairs for us. It's your punishment for being late." Artemis said coldly. "And no complaints. You shouldn't be drinking last night. Save that for the cast party."

Snape breathed in relief. So he's only carrying a coffin upstairs and not going to suffer physical injuries. Without him in it, it's positively light.

* * *

"Great. You arrived just on time, Snape." Professor McGonagall said. "We're just about to do Scene 3."

"Yes, professor." Snape said, as Claudia handed her rapier to him. "Er… why is there a bathtub on stage?"

"Because that's going to be the coffin if we can't find it on time. Well, it's too troublesome to change it now," said Regulus, who just appeared at Claudia's side.

"Enough talking. Let's get started." McGonagall said. Snape obliged and the scene starts as he walks on stage with one of the 3rd years playing his page.

"Anyways," Regulus continued, "The guy who plays the Friar Lawrence is still missing. I ended up subbing for him."

"This can't be good," said Claudia as a 4th year Hufflepuff boy entered the room.

"Hold." Professor McGonagall said and everyone stopped whatever he/she was doing. "What is it, Smith?"

"Madam Pomfrey said that Evan Brockelhurst can't make it to the performance today and please find a replacement for his role." The boy said, "He'll be okay, but he'll need a week to recover."

"What happened to him?" Claudia asked.

"According to Madam Pomfrey, he fell off the Astronomy Tower during class. Apparently, he accidentally tripped over some equipment and fell over a window." Smith said, "Luckily Hagrid was there, and caught him, so he didn't die. I have to go now. Good luck today on the performance, I really look forward to watching it today!"

"Claudia… if you don't mind…" Professor McGonagall said as Smith left the room, but Sirius cut her off.

"I have the perfect person in mind." He said mischievously, and he whispered a name in Professor McGonagall's ear.

"You can't be serious, Black!" she exclaimed.

"But I am Sirius Black. And Sirius Black is serious." Sirius said playfully. "I'm dead now anyways, so I'll go get him." Without another word, he ran off.

"If he only uses his brains on his homework…" Professor McGonagall shook her head. "Dunno how he still have the best grade in the whole Transfiguration class regardless."

* * *

5'o clock P.M. at the Great Hall of Hogwarts, the play was about to begin. Claudia, Remus, Regulus, The students playing Sampson, Gregory, Abraham, and the other Montague servingman got ready to enter the opening scene.

"Break a leg." Sirius said.

"You too." Replied Claudia, Remus and James.

"Why break a leg? Isn't that a bad thing?" asked Peter cluelessly.

"It's an expression of good luck used before performances." Remus told him.

"Are you completely sure that he can pull off Friar Lawrence, Sirius?" Artemis asked.

"Why not?" Sirius replied. "Anyway, you should go up now. You're doing lighting and special effects, aren't you?"

"Oh yeah." Artemis said as she climbed the ladder that leads up to the lights and the special effect magic buttons.

* * *

"_Then have my lips the sin that they have took_." Lily recited on stage. It was now Act 1, Scene 5.

"_Sin from thy lips? O trespass sweetly urged! Give me my sin again._" James said. He was supposed to act kissing Lily at this point, but he can't bring himself to act it anymore, like he's been doing at the rehearsals. She was the most beautiful woman in the universe in James's mind, and with the lighting effects, that he really kissed her.

Lily was taken by surprise. She did not expect that James was really going to kiss her, as this was on stage. She thought about pushing him away, but not before she realized that this was on stage, so she went along with it.

"_You kiss by the book_." Lily said after they broke apart, and found herself not merely acting it, but saying how she really felt.

Snape was furious backstage and was itching to beat James to a pulp, But Regulus, who was offstage at the moment, foresaw what will happen if he isn't restrained and smacked him on the head.

"Don't." He said quietly. Snape grudgingly obliged as the scene went on.

* * *

"PROFESSOR DUMBLEDORE!" The Hogwarts students exclaimed at the start of Act 2, Scene 3. Dumbledore, it seemed, was the one whom Sirius has asked to be the sub-in Friar Lawrence. He was wearing the monk robes, and his hair was magically modified to look like a monk's for the duration of the play. Even so, he was recognizable by the students of his school.

Dumbledore went on to his soliloquy at the beginning of the scene, pulling it off with perfection.

"You're a genius to think of Professor Dumbledore, Sirius." Remus told Sirius offstage. "I'd never think that Dumbledore could pull it off this well."

"Great minds think alike, Remus." Sirius joked, receiving a sharp blow in the elbow from his friend.

* * *

"_Help me into some house, Benvolio, or I shall faint. A plague o' both your houses! They have made worms' meat of me: I have it, And soundly too: your houses!_" Sirius said his final line on stage as he acted passing out into Remus's arm from the "blood loss", generated by the magic buttons that were charmed by Flitwick himself to do all the special effects. Most of the students were smart enough to know it was fake even though it looked realistic, after initial shock, as they know that a student will never be killed for the sake of a play, even though many of them were teary-eyed, since Mercutio was a very well-liked character. However, the Fan Club isn't so bright.

"SIRIUS! NOOOO! DON'T DIE!" They exclaimed.

"Shut up. It's just an act." Said a 7th year as the Fan Club breathed out in relief.

Meanwhile, the part of the school's female population (and a select few male) who were in support of Sirius having a relationship with Remus were drooling. They know it isn't real, but the sight of Sirius passing out into Remus's arms was good enough fanservice for them. If they can't have the real hardcore… they'll settle for an act.

* * *

"_…For never was a story of more woe, than this of Juliet and her Romeo._" Said Frank Longbottom, who played the role of the Prince Escalus, as the play concluded. A tremendous amount of applause followed as the minor cast members reappeared on stage. The Major cast, of course, gets announced.

"Mercutio." Announced Professor McGonagall as Sirius walked on stage, followed by the greatest applause by far, mainly because he just gained about another 50 fans. Being the gentleman he usually was to girls, Sirius decided to wave to the audience, and his fans positively squealed.

"Talk about popularity." Remus, who was just reintroduced on stage as Benvolio right before Sirius, whispered. "Maybe we should get a lock on our dormitory. You'll be out of boxers by the end of the year if we don't."

"Good idea." Sirius whispered back as Professor McGonagall announced Romeo and Juliet, or James and Lily, and their reappearance. They received just as great as an applause that Sirius got, and almost as much squealing. James had his fair share of fan girls. He was not drop-dead gorgeous like Sirius, but he was fairly good-looking and was the Quidditch captain of the Gryffindor Team. After he took center stage for the bow that the cast does to the audience at the end of plays, Sirius nudged him. "Your month-long ban is over." He whispered, loud enough so only Remus, Peter, and James heard him.

"Right." James whispered back. In an instant, he was down on his knees. "Will you go out with me, Lily?" James reached for his wand to produce some flowers, when he realized that he doesn't have his wand on him.

Artemis, above the stage, knew what James wanted to do. Producing a rose with her own wand, she dropped it down.

"Thanks, Art." James said as he caught the rose. "If you will go out with me, Lily, please accept my rose."

Lily was moved. James asked her out in front of the school! It would be just bad to refuse now. Thinking back, he was always nice to her, does whatever she wants, even though she wasn't all that nice to him, even when he's not up to mischief. He did hex Snape a lot, but thinking about it, Snape was not exactly a tame little bunny, either… on some occasions he made the first move. Plus, James was a good kisser, and he really liked her. Reasons enough, Lily took the rose. "I accept." She said.

It was not in James's plans that the whole audience stood up and applauded, nor did he plan that it suddenly started showering rose petals from above the stage. Artemis obviously decided it on her own, but it certainly helped the atmosphere.

Meanwhile, Regulus had to repeatedly smack Snape to keep him from doing rash things.

* * *

The Marauders, Lily, and Claudia returned backstage after the end of the performance, to find Artemis waiting there with multiple bags, and wearing a gothic-style dress, with high-top boots. No make-up, though. Artemis hated wearing makeup.

"I got your outfits for the Holiday party here. Hurry up and change. I want to eat." She said. Here----" she said as she passed the bags to each of her friends.

"Nice seeing you in something feminine for a change." Sirius said, grinning. "You look great, though."

"Thanks. I thought it'd look out of place if I wore something that I'd usually wear." Artemis replied as Sirius took his robes out of his bag. It was black and sleeveless, with the hem of the bottom artistically tattered and dark red belts and buckles. "So, what d'you think?"

"Hmm… Maybe I shouldn't wear this. I'd look so sexy that the fangirls will rape me on the spot." Sirius said as everyone laughed.

"I take it as you like it, then. And the fangirls are afraid of me. That I assure you." Artemis said.

"Did you plan this, Artemis?" said James as he looked as his outfit, a dark red, long, dress robe with some Victorian styles. It matched Lily's perfectly.

"Er… I dunno." Artemis said with feigned innocence, causing more laughter.

"Nice. I get some decent clothes for a change," Remus said, looking at his own dark blue dress robes. "I'm going to change, guys." He ran off to a bathroom as Peter hid behind some curtains to put his on. Claudia just returned from the girls bathroom with her light green dress.

"Alright. Time to party." Sirius said after everyone was dressed in their formal robes. "Artemis, I call the first dance with you."

"If you don't mind me stepping on your foot on occasion, that is." Artemis said. "But I'd love to see the faces of those fangirls."

"That'd be a funny sight to see. They are too afraid to attack you, and they're jealous." Sirius said with a smirk. Even though he's nice to girls, a few pranks on the Fan Club on this occasion can't hurt. "Anyways, we can't see their faces until we're actually dancing."

"Then let's go." Artemis laughed as she and Sirius stepped into the dance floor. The Fan Club, standing nearby, flushed bright red. Sirius and Artemis were silently laughing. The Fan Club members' faces were priceless. Nearby, James, Remus, Lily, and Claudia were laughing their head off. Peter immediately ran off to find some food.

"Shall we go too?" James asked Lily, who nodded and joined the couples that are dancing.

"Hey Claudia. Want to dance?" Remus asked Claudia just as James and Lily went on to the dance floor.

"Sure." Claudia said, leaving Peter eating by himself at a distance.

Soon, the song ended, and Artemis and Sirius joined Peter by the food table. They all love to eat, after all. The dancing was just to see the jealous faces of the fangirls, which they thoroughly enjoyed watching. Lily and James, however, remained on the dance floor for the next song, and Regulus walked over, as he can't stand Snape's constant ranting any longer.

"If you don't mind, may I dance the next dance with you?" He asked Claudia.

"Okay." She said, as Remus joined Sirius, Artemis, and Peter at the food table.

Although Sirius was the best-looking guy in school, Regulus, being his younger brother, had similar genetics, and Regulus was rather attractive himself. And like his brother, he had his own Fan Club, although smaller. And they happened to be at a distance, looking like they'll lunge at any moment,

"Seems like your brother's Fan Club's getting jealous." Remus commented. "This is amusing. Let's watch."

"Agreed. Jealous fangirls' faces are priceless. Anyone got a camera here?" Sirius said as Frank Longbottom, a friend of the Marauders but a year junior, appeared with his girlfriend Alice, and handed him a camera.

"Thanks, Frank." Sirius said as he took a picture of the fangirls with their priceless expressions. "Got to show this to James later."

"No problem, Sirius." Frank said. "And it seems you have finally settled down and found yourself a girlfriend."

"What do you mean by settled down? I never had an actual relationship with anyone. All those dates I go on by request hardly count. I'm always playing pranks on people there's hardly time." Sirius said. "You are not under the impression that I'm a womanizer, are you?"

"You referring to me, Frank?" Artemis said on the side. "You know I don't go out with anyone. I'm here mostly for the food, and to mentally torture Sirius's Fan Club."

"True… I'm just teasing." Frank laughed. "Well, I'll be seeing you guys. Remus, you should find a girlfriend too."

"I got to study. No time for that." Remus said. "But thanks for the suggestion. I'll keep that in mind when I get some free time."

"Well, we're going to dance now, so see you all later." Frank said as he and Alice went on to dance.

Remus appeared to have gone back to Claudia and resumed dancing with her as the next song began, so Sirius and Artemis decided to think up more mental tortures for his over-sensitive Fan Club. But before they can do that, Remus's distant cousin and spy for the Marauders came up to them.

"I've got bad news, Sirius," She said. "Your brother's Fan Club has recently merged with your Fan Club. So now you've just gotten about 15 more obsessive, rabid fangirls, not counting the ten-or-so new members that just recently joined. Thought you should know."

"Thanks, Marlene…wait…WHAT?" Sirius exclaimed. Now his Fan club exceeds 50 people… how's he going to handle that?

"Yes. I know. It's deep trouble. Anyways, I'll get in trouble with the club if they notice me here talking to you alone, and then I can't spy for you anymore. So got to go!" said Marlene as she left hurriedly.

"Oh Merlin." Sirius muttered. "Not good."

"It's nothing, Sirius. Just more people to mentally torture, that's all. After all, you still have me as your bodyguard." Artemis commented as James and Lily, a bit tired from the dancing, came to join them.

"Anything with you two?" James asked.

"Not much. We're just figuring out a way to mentally torture Sirius's… or should I say, the Black Brothers' Official Fan Club of Hogwarts." Artemis said lightly.

"Wait… the Black Brothers' Official Fan Club of Hogwarts?" Regulus, who was near by, overheard the line and came over. "You don't mean…"

"Yes, Regulus, the worst has come. Our fan clubs have combined." Sirius said in a grave voice.

"Why don't we all sit down and figure out a way to mentally torture them together?" Lily suggested, which they did so.

After several minutes of intense discussion, they finally reached a method.

"Hello girls!" Sirius, Regulus, and Artemis appeared at the large gathering of Sirius and Regulus's now combined fangirls.

"Hello, gorgeous." The girls replied, thinking that they're in heaven, since both of the Black brothers talked to them! Then they saw Artemis, whose arms were around both of the guys. The fangirls screamed and passed out. Too much for them to take.

"Lily is a genius." Artemis said. "But next time, have Claudia do this. I'd rather not put my arms around people."

"But it was worth it, wasn't it?" Sirius said. "That was epic!"


	7. Cast Party and Boxers

"Ah! Finally we don't have to get up so early!" Sirius exclaimed as he finally woke up at 10:30 in the morning on a Saturday. "I finally got my sleep."

"The Cast Party is today, right?" said Remus, who's already woken up and reading _Hamlet _at the moment. "Remember our promise."

"What—Oh. Merlin…hell!" exclaimed Sirius as he remembered his promise to wear a dress to the cast party. "F—k."

Just at that moment, the door of the boys' dormitory was opened by Artemis, who reverted back to dressing like a guy. "Thought you'd be up by now. I brought you the dresses you ordered. There are some extras so you can have a wider selection. Have fun!" She said, putting down a large parcel down on a table, and left the dormitory.

"I guess I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place, then." Sirius sighed. "A plague o' all of you." 'A plague o' –insert something here-' has long became Sirius's favorite expression of discontent, taking over the epic oxymoron of 'Holy Hell'.

"You know what Sirius? Since we forced you into this, you get the first pick." James said. "We're not going to make you wear a pink, frilly one, unless all of them are."

"Alright, then." Sirius said as he opened the parcels. "Let's see, I guess I'll take this one." He picked up a long, black, gothic-style dress, with an ornamental crimson corset.

"I'll have the green one; it looks like Lily's eyes." James said, taking a bright green, velvet gown and started to put it on. "Hm… doesn't look that bad on me, actually."

"Peter, would you like to pick next?" Remus asked, being nice. "James, you could seriously pass for a short-haired, tall, flat-chested girl."

"No… I can't decide which one will make me look less fat," replied Peter. "Can you pick for me, Remus?"

"Alright then." Remus selected a pink, sparkly dress from the rest of the dresses and handed to Peter. "Here."

Peter happily went off to put it on as Remus took a sky-blue, flowy dress from the remaining and wrapped up the unselected ones. As he left the room with the parcel he said, "I'll take this to Artemis. Hopefully she's in the Common Room and not the Dormitory."

* * *

"Time for the party!" James announced at 2:50 in the afternoon to his friends, who were fully dressed in their respective dresses. "Let's go."

The Marauders received a lot of attention, both positive and negative, walking down the Hogwarts hallways, seeing that they're guys wearing dresses. Of course, they didn't mind since they're the Marauders, they like attention.

"Hello." The four greeted Lily, Artemis, and Claudia as they entered the Charms classroom that they've been holding rehearsals in.

"Hello, guys." The girls replied.

"Nice outfit there, James." Lily smirked. It's been a week since they went out, and she's gotten significantly nicer to him. "Same to you, Sirius, Remus, and Peter."

"Thank you." James replied as he and Lily exchanged a hug, to the jealous eyes of Severus Snape.

"I swear… I can be a better boyfriend than Potter can ever be to Lily." Snape muttered in his lonely corner by himself, downing a whole goblet of Firewhiskey.

Sirius immediately spotted the food table and dashed there at lightning speed, receiving much staring and comments as he was wearing a dress.

"I'd tap Sirius if he was a girl." Eric Sampson said to his friend, Gregory Esser. "He looks great in that dress."

"Your sister rubbing off on you, Eric?" Gregory said. "But yeah. Sirius does look good in a dress."

Sirius, however, was oblivious as he was busy taking multiple slices of his favorite dessert, strawberry cake.

Meanwhile Sirius was busy getting cake, his brother Regulus walked over to the group with two bottles of Butterbeer. "Here, Claudia." He said brightly, acting nothing like a stereotypical Slytherin.

"Thanks, Reg." Claudia said as she took the drinks.

"So… you two going out now?" asked Remus. "I guess Peter and I are the only single ones now."

"Wait… I'm single too." Artemis said, "And so is Sirius as to my knowledge."

"Oh sorry. I thought you and Sirius are going out." Remus said apologetically.

"Ah. People seem to be under that impression after the Holiday Ball." Artemis sighed. "They just don't get how fun it is to mentally torture fangirls—and fanboys."

"Oh yeah! I remember their faces… absolutely priceless." Remus laughed as Sirius came back, holding a plate full of slices of strawberry cake.

"Have I missed something?" Sirius asked with his mouth full of cake.

"We're just talking about mentally torturing the Fan Club." Remus said. "And Claudia's going out with Regulus now."

"I see. Well, Regulus, since you're going out with my friend… we should try to get along better for now." Sirius suggested. He never really hated Regulus, just disgusted at his adherence to the ways of their parents. But for now, they can get along.

"I've been thinking along the same line." Regulus said. "And I'll go get drinks for everyone. Be right back."

* * *

"Be quiet." Said a Gryffindor 5th year girl as she let a part of the Black Brothers' Fan Club into the deserted Common Room. "Come this way."

The girls followed her as she walked up the stairway to the boys' dormitories, into the Marauders' Dormitory, easily found as the Marauders themselves pinned a sign saying so. Turning the doorknob, the Fan Club members entered the dormitory and bolted to Sirius's drawers, which they've broke into a few weeks ago. Locating his boxers, the girls took a stack out and headed carefully down stairs. Operation: Steal Sirius's Boxers was complete.

* * *

"Got to use the bathroom. I drank too much Butterbeer." Remus said after a length discussion on Quidditch. Now that Lily finally accepted James, she also started to get a liking for Quidditch. It's about bloody time.

"You too?" James asked. "But Regulus is still out."

"Well, I'd rather not wet my pants." Remus said. As he stepped out the door of the Charms classroom, he noticed a bunch of girls that were in the Fan Club, walking down the same hallway, holding a stack of boxers.

"PADFOOT!" Remus shouted, as the whole group ran out of the room. "Fangirls! Your boxers!"

Immediately they spotted the girls and started chasing after them. The fangirls obviously heard them, as they started running too. Remus ran off to the bathroom. It was an emergency.

"Goddamn dresses." Sirius muttered as he had difficulty running in his dress, " why the Devil came you with the idea of dresses? I was slowed under your _genius_ idea."

"I thought it all for good fun." James said apologetically. "But I don't have a problem wearing a dress while running."

"Maybe your soul is a girl." Sirius joked as Peter tripped. "Wormtail… go stalk their hideout. I bet anything that they're heading there." He said as Peter got up. Peter nodded and started running in the other direction., towards the Fan Club meeting room.

"Isn't that Regulus running in our direction?" James commented as he saw a figure chasing after another group of girls.

"Yes it is! We got the girls cornered!" Sirius exclaimed.

Both groups of fangirls were stuck. Reluctantly, they stopped and gave the boxers back before Sirius and Regulus let them off. Sirius looked down at his pile of boxers.

"Wait… Regulus… aren't those your boxers?" said Sirius, confused at seeing a pair of green and silver boxers, which obviously isn't his.

"Yeah. Sirius…aren't the ones I have here yours?" Regulus said, staring at a pair of Kamikaze boxers, which he definitely doesn't have. Sirius nodded and the two switched the piles.

"We'd better get these back up to our dorms before we go back to the party." Sirius said. "A plague o' fangirls! What the hell were they thinking?"

"No idea. They _ARE_ seriously out of their minds." Regulus said as he headed down the nearest staircase to the Slytherin common room.

Meanwhile, Peter was standing at the door of the Fan Club, wondering why no one came.

**-Fin.**


End file.
